Air Tangan ("Water from the Hand")
Micaella ILAGAN, School of Computing
SIM Qin Ying, Air tangan, AI-generated (Dall-E)
Preamble
“Air tangan, you got hear before?” Auntie Siti replied with a gleam in her eye. As I sipped the steaming cup of three-in-one milk tea, I could not help but ask what the special ingredient was that she had added to make her tea taste better than others. That special ingredient, Auntie Siti let on, was nothing other than “air tangan”, a Malay phrase meaning “water from the hand”, or “mother’s sweat”. This makes the beverage or meal exceptional – sweeter, richer, and imbued with the special quality that comes from genuine love and care, which is not replicable elsewhere.
Over the course of many a Saturday morning visit to Auntie Siti over the year, I have gained insights into the importance of the human connection, particularly in the fast-paced society of today. These insights have highlighted the challenges faced by the elderly in navigating online and digital technology, and has transformed my own relationship with my parents.
Digitalisation and the Elderly
As a Computing student, I have well understood the transformative power of digitalisation. But the befriending journey with Auntie Siti has sharply brought home its limitations too.
One incident stood out particularly. Auntie Siti had struggled tremendously to book clinic appointments on the Health Buddy App. This App was intended to enable the facile booking of appointments. For seniors, however, these tools are opaque and perplexing. Without a younger family member or friend conversant with online technology to aid navigation, they in fact become overwhelming. The sense of frustration is palpable. Auntie Siti felt lost and disenfranchised. Every visit involved me assisting her with one App or another, from deleting emails, to finding the photo gallery, working out the bills, or deciphering messages. But it became a routine that we both cherished – bonding over the challenges wrought by digital technology.
Clearly, society needs to consider more carefully how to support the elderly who may struggle with these digital tools, and perhaps better still, provide them with an alternative to using such tools. We need to devise more compassionate and inclusive strategies which do not leave the elderly behind, especially the older generations who are less conversant with Apps. We must not lose that human connection.
Relationships with My Parents
Over the course of the journey with Auntie Siti, some moments become especially poignant. They stirred up a regret in my own relationships with my parents and my late grandmother.
Up until that point, I had been single-minded in my pursuit of university studies in Singapore, with little or no time for my grandmother or my parents. I thought that I would be able to make time for them when I finish my studies. This hope shattered when my grandmother passed away in June 2022.
Each tearful moment Auntie Siti shared about the absence of her son from her own struggles with health accentuated my own neglect. Our conversations become sombre: Does he not visit you? He says it is a chore and I give him nothing but trouble. Did he not accompany you for your check-up last week? It is better he does not come; I don’t need him – no point causing hurt to everybody. Yet, one cannot help but sense the loss, that yearning, beneath the superficial stoicism. Frankly, hearing Auntie Siti’s distress made my own grieving journey harder.
It came to a point when visiting Auntie Siti became too painful for my sanity. The thought that I had not visited my grandmother for two preceding years before her passing gnawed at my soul. She taught me love and family. She would always speak of me with pride to her friends and throw a hearty feast whenever I visited. Yet I had not found time to do so in the last two years of her life, even as her health deteriorated…
Now, I constantly remind myself that the opportunity lost is still available with my parents. This notion propels me to call them more often, linger a while longer after dinner and accompany them on their errands. Breaking out of old habits is still an uphill battle. But the more warmth and care I show for my parents, the more I feel bolstered in this endeavour.
Auntie Siti and I...
Confronting the inadequacies I felt towards Auntie Siti’s situation compelled me to address the emotional gaps with my own parents. Opening up to my mother about my regrets on the passing of grandmother marked a turning point. I found solace and a renewed sense of purpose to support those closest to me. Slowly, as I mended my relationships at home, I discovered newfound capacity also to journey with Auntie Siti.
Returning to the befriending role became a therapeutic process. With a clearer mind and a kinder heart, our interactions regained joy and connection. Auntie Siti was not only a befriendee, but also a source of inspiration for my personal journey. For so long, I have blamed the world for not slowing down enough to let me have time with my parents and grandmother. But now I have realised that it is not the world that should slow down, but I myself who must make time for people whom I care about. Just as Auntie Siti’s air tangan transformed a simple cup of milk tea, this realisation is transforming my relationships, making them sweeter, richer, and imbued with the special quality that comes from genuine love and care.
The journey has brought both pain and growth. Ultimately, it is the human connection that matters. The same perhaps could be said of the rapid technological advancement in our society.